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As you round the corner of aisle three, a woman pops out, and the two of you nearly collide.“Oh, excuse me,” says the woman. You notice a store employee on a ladder, fixing a light.“You have to be a regular Darth Vader to fix these damn things,” he grumbles to himself.“Huh,” you think to yourself. He is also helped by a Wookiee named Han Solo, who I thought of earlier, before the events of this Click Venture.” You call in your movie idea to 20th Century Fox, and together you create an entire movie franchise about giant, hairy men called Wookiees who work together to trounce evil perpetrated by equally hairy men also called Wookiees.“This situation inspires me to think of a Wookiee called Darth Vader. This version fails to catch on outside a fetish community that watches videos of monkeys drown in oil, in which it is incredibly popular. Your large Lucas foot steps on the accelerator, and you’re going faster than you ever thought possible. ” The doctor hands you the phone, which, as it turns out, is his 1975-era cell phone, which means he kind of hovers around the whole conversation waiting for you to be done.You get really into it and make it bigger and bigger and more detailed, eventually hiring a bunch of your buddies to help out with construction.“Hey, George,” one of the workers says to you.“You makin’ a movie or somethin’ with this giant ship and weird gray ball? In half an hour, you sketch the idea for a space movie—Luke Skywalker, Princess Leia, Darth Vader, the fate of peace in the galaxy, etc.He later goes into film, his first love, and invents Star Wars completely on his own, becoming a celebrated director in American cinema and culture. Kurosawa comes down from the roof and dusts off his pants.“Hi, George,” he says. I steal all my movie ideas from you, but you haven’t made a movie in a few years. You and Kurosawa go on a worldwide press tour to publicize your joint effort and not a single person sees it, including you.There was a lot of pressure on me to make a new film in my native Japan, so I came here to see what you were working on.” “I’m thinking a space epic with timeless themes about heroism and the power of individuals doing the right thing! The Death Star, Luke Skywalker, Darth Vader—none of these things ever exist.“This dying dog inspires me to think of an alien race of tall, shaggy men named Wookiees. My name is Leia, but my friends call me ‘Princess’ because I like to fuck princes.”“Huh,” you think to yourself.Their leader could be named Chewbacca.” You arrive at the store and head for the dairy section. “This woman inspires me to think of a Wookiee named Princess Leia who is brave and bursting with plans.” You leave your neighbor Leia and continue walking toward the dairy section. “This inspires me to think of a Wookiee named Luke Skywalker who fights the Wookiee named Darth Vader with the Wookiee named Chewbacca to save the Wookiee Princess Leia.
Yes, the world will know the joys of the Star Wars universe, but you will not be able to enjoy the fruits of your labor as you rot away in a special division of San Quentin State Prison made specifically for people who have killed influential Japanese directors.
He tumbles off the roof and crumples in a pile at your feet. Being a pretty handy guy, you begin building a big gray ball to jam Akira Kurosawa’s corpse into, something that won’t look like a coffin so it won’t draw any attention.
You don’t even need to check his legendary director pulse to know that he is dead. You delight in making this orb coffin, but there’s one problem—you didn’t make it big enough, and it only fits his head and shoulders.
It’s on the last day of shooting, when Harrison Ford is in the Millennium Falcon model, that he makes an offhand comment: “Smells like Akira Kurosawa died in here or something! You don’t look surprised at all that Akira Kurosawa’s dead corpse smell is emanating from all these cool props!
” Harrison Ford, a notably keen student of body language, says.